9 months

36 1/2 weeks. 9 months pregnant. Baby will be considered full term in just a few more days....

So this has been a bit of whirlwind of a week...actually all of September has just completely flown by. It was jam packed month! And so this blog entry is going to probably be a long one as I just relate everything that has been happening recently. If not for your benefit, then for the benefit of my pregnancy clouded brain. :)

First of all...this week. This week is clearly one that did not turn out as I expected it to. As I highlighted at the very beginning of this pregnancy, I have 'white coat syndrome' - and so I have been monitoring my blood pressure in between Dr.'s appointments. Well, last week was quite the full week. I felt like I was on a mission to get everything done...which really is an impossible task...but I tried! JVD put up the crib and so we were able to finish the baby's room....
We had 20 volleyball players over at our little condo for spaghetti dinner...I was on a roll getting things accomplished and squared away at work..... So, when I remembered to take some time to take my blood pressure....it was higher than normal. Above 120...and then it hit the dreaded over/90 a couple times before settling in the low 80's. Hmmmm. I remember hearing that over 90 was NOT GOOD. So, what do you think happens? I see the "90" numbers and ofcourse my heart starts to beat faster and feelings of anxiety totally heighten....not to mention that the baby was quieter than normal all weekend. Definitely moving at times...just not as pronounced. Usually this baby is quite the mover and shaker at various points during the day (and nighttime, even) and so I was beginning to grow anxious.....


Take all the above into consideration and then imagine receiving some very devastating news on Sunday night. Our friends' daughter was due to have their first grandchild this week, but the baby died at 39 weeks over the weekend. Devastating does not even begin to describe the depth of emotion surrounding such sadness and loss. My heart grieves (and continues to do so) for our friends and their daughter and son-in-law. They, like us, have been anticipating finally meeting their little one for these past several months. So, amidst tears of sadness for these friends whose excitement at the prospect of being grandparents had been so palpable - I totally could not help but feel complete fear over all the unknowns, not to mention fear about my blood pressure and all that could mean....

So, Monday was a tough day. High blood pressure. Tears of sadness for these friends and co-workers of ours. Tears of fear for me and this baby....but I have a wonderful husband who helped set me at ease. I have wonderful co-workers who prayed for me. I have a wonderful health clinic with a nurse line and the nurse told me, "relax, you are ok!" And the baby resumed his or her super active ways which was the most comfort-inducing feeling of all.

My blood pressure was still "up" on Wednesday morning at my routine Dr's appt. -and so my midwife ordered blood tests and urine tests....just to make sure all is well. The blood pressure issue is not great....but my levels are not sounding off red alerts just yet. I have mild swelling, but nothing major. No headaches. No vision changes. All reasons to just take a deep breath and know that all, right now, is well. And can I just say how well cared for I feel by the medical profession? My midwife called me this weekend just to check in and see how I was doing....

So this leads us to Wednesday afternoon. As my blood pressure was going to be taken in the afternoon, I opted to bow out of a meeting related to "swine flu contingency plans" as I did not think the topic of conversation would help set me at ease. My supervisor came in after the meeting to update me on what was discussed.....and then she said, "those of us in the meeting decided that with four weeks left in your pregnancy, and confirmed cases of swine flu on campus, why put yourself at risk for swine flu? We totally think you should consider working from home."

I did not see that coming! Ofcourse my midwife told me to do it....and JVD thinks it is a huge blessing as it will probably help me relax and lower my blood pressure, too. Much like the medical profession, employers these days often get such a bad rap...but I have been completely blown away by the support and care I have received from my boss and my co-workers during this entire pregnancy. The option of working from home until Baby Dworak comes is just icing on the cake at this point.

But can I just say what an odd feeling it is to pack up my belongings from my office knowing that I will not be returning to that space until January 2010? As far a spaces go, I spend a lot of time in my office each week. I really like that space a lot. :) To suddenly not be heading there each weekday morning is weird.... not to mention that I really LOVE where I work and who I work with and what I do...all the human and personal interactions I receive each day at work are so wonderful. Though I know working from home these next few weeks is a huge gift...I am a bit sad about it, too.

So here I am....I have my list of work-related to-do's I intend to tackle...from home....this week. But now that my office is organized in preparation of my leave and now that I will be at home working off site, there is a part of me that feels quite good that if Baby Dworak decides to arrive on the early side, all will be well.

And so, on this early Sunday morning as I find myself awake way earlier than I intended to be, I am choosing to focus on feelings that "all will be well." There are never any guarantees in this life and there is so much about what transpires day to day that does not make any sense. This is true of all the difficult and tragic experiences people - those I know and those whom I do not - face day to day. But even amidst all the uncertainty and doubt that stirs in my soul, I do believe in God's goodness and love. All will be well.